I was really looking forward to Capcom’s Killer 7, which only makes my unhappiness with the game that much greater. Previews and pre-release hype usually roll off me like water off a duck’s back, but the shadowy, expressionistic cel-shading on display in screenshots of the game made me hope that it would be something unusual and interesting. I should know better by now than to judge a book by its marketing, but I guess I’m just a sucker for a pretty picture.
The graphics are pretty much the only thing about the game that doesn’t get on my nerves. The actual gameplay is pretty dumb: it’s basically a light game without the light gun, and instead of automatically moving a long a track, you have to hold a button down to run forward until you hit a “branching point” where you select from a menu to choose your route. So it’s basically a cross between Area 51 and Dragon’s Lair. And the obsession that GameCube developers seem to have with forcing players to hold down the triggers for long periods of time is really starting to get on my nerves. And tendons.
The story didn’t have much to keep me going either. It’s like someone was told to make up something as “dark” and “edgy” as possible, and then passed the instructions on to a room full of typewriter-monkeys to write the script. Some professional assassins, some terrorists, some apocalyptic cults and some supernatural beings all get tossed into a pot and stirred together to produce a plot that I don’t care about at all. The one area with potential is the game’s main hook: hitman Harman Smith has seven distinct personalities, each with its own talents and personal issues. It sounds interesting, but it’s really just an excuse to plug more playable characters into the game. It’s not really a multiple personality disorder if you can call up your different personae at will by pressing the Start button, is it?
And honestly, I have no problem with strong language, but when it’s as forced and gratuitous as the cussing in this game is, it really starts to grate. That’s really the problem with Killer 7: everything feels forced and awkward, and none of it feels fun.