The Olympics are over now, the last tear-jerking montage of athletes triumphing in the face of adversity has been aired, and I’m a little disoriented. Between the time zones, the tape delay, and the TiVo recordings, I’ve completely lost track of time. The word “live” has become a contranym. At social gatherings I keep trying to find the fast-forward button to skim through lulls in conversation so I can get to the medal ceremony. I have an uncontrollable urge to watch replays from three different angles whenever I pull a load of laundry out of the dryer. Before sitting down to dinner, I expect there to be a bathetic mini-documentary about the people who made my frozen pizza (I fast-forward through that part, natch). And I’m very sad at the sudden dearth of very, very pretty swimmers in my life. I think now would be a good time for some deprogramming.

Also: is it bad that the TV and TiVo are going to be the very last things I pack before moving, so that I can be sure to record The Amazing Race?