I got so sick of listening to ABC’s coverage of the NBA Finals that I finally hit mute and turned on the radio. ESPN’s radio crew, Brent Musberger and Jack Ramsey, may be older than your grandparents, but at least they don’t keep missing plays like Brad Nessler or spewing meatheaded flameblait like Walton and Tolbert. It’s amazing how minimally competent coverage can make even an ugly game tolerable.


Here are some quotes from the game:

Joey Crawford: I own this court. This is my court. You can’t take this court from me; if you try, I’ll just ‘T’ you up.
Byron Scott: One of these days, Joey, you’re going to blow a call. I’ve never seen it, but one of these days, it’s going to happen, and every coach, every player in the league is going to cheer.
David Robinson: I know I will. Sure, I’m the nicest guy in the league, but I’m getting sick of fouling out, and these kids are taking days off my life, worrying about whether they’ll show up from night to night. Can someone besides Tim give me some consistency here?
Tim Duncan:
Manu Ginobili: Hey, I’m not the one blowing it. My left hand is magical. It’s for real. I have a magical realist’s game. If Borges were alive, he’d be ghostwriting my memoirs.
Stephen Jackson: Hey, Manu, can I borrow your hands for a second? My handle looks like I got stumps at the ends of my arms. Man, am I ever going to make a jump shot?
Bruce Bowen: Am I ever going to make a jump shot?
Rodney Rogers: Am I ever going to make a jump shot?
Lucious Harris: Am I ever going to make a jump shot?
The entire world: Are any of you ever going to make a jump shot?
Steve Kerr: I can make a jump shot. Did you see that nice little stop-and-pop move I made? Too bad I mouth off to the coach all the time, else maybe he’d play me more often.
Speedy Claxton: You’re clutch, Steve, but Pop leaves you on the bench because I can run all over the court with the ball. I ain’t old and one-dimensional like you, and I ain’t young and freaked out like Tony.
Tony Parker: I ain’t freaked out. My team loves me. Pop loves me. You love me, right, Pop? Pop?
Greg Popovich: If you stop running scared and play like I know you can, yes.
Jason Kidd: At least I’m getting mine tonight. Helps when I don’t have to chase these zippy little guys around on a bum ankle. It’d be nice if anyone on my team could help me. Kenyon? Kenyon?
Kenyon Martin: Don’t throw up. Don’t throw up. Get that Gatorade out of my face. Can’t a brother get some DayQuil over here?
Richard Jefferson: I’m doing my part, now that I’m going inside instead of skulking around the perimieter. And I’m hurt.
Aaron Williams: You call that hurt? You ran into Bowen’s elbow and cut your lip. Did you see me clock Parker? That’s how you put the hurt on someone.
Jason Collins: I can foul harder than you.
Dikembe Mutombo: Ah, children, I was fouling harder than that when you were in junior high.
Crawford: And that’s why I own this court.

I think I’ve been reading too many Page 2 columns lately.